dead flowers, burning wood to ashes, and new moons

today i cleaned my room again. well i kinda got distracted from packing. i was packing and then noticed something needed to be gone through. and i started to go through some old stuff. i found notes from 8th grade. i read some of them wondering what the heck?? others i laughed hysterically at how stupid we were back then. i thought the stupidest things were the end of the world. so many of us have grown up and changed since middle school. our friendships tested, broken, regrown, or lost forever. some new ones built up. we have all grown up and matured into amazing people that are going to change this world one day

i pulled out the BOX. the box that holds my heart within four small walls while i was cleaning. i pulled out the necklaces and placed them aside.

i smelled the smell of the flowers. dead and dried out from the weeks on my board drying. the stems as fragile as glass, ready to break at any wrong move.

as fragile as my friendship that snapped after holding on with just a thin string.

i removed the pictures. i stared at them all going through each one that remained in the box slowly and methodically like i was searching for something special. something to jump out at me. but nothing did. the smiles on our faces long removed. those heart aches pushed from my memory to no longer be brought up again. those friendships dried up like the flowers laying in the box. i placed each photo to the side and continued my cleaning.

as i cleaned i felt more and more freedom. freedom from clutter. clutter of the mind and the room.

then the sun began to set and i wanted smores. i made a fire and grabbed a few more memories. a few more crutches of my past. and burned them. i watched them burn to ash. i sat on the couch and watched as the wood burned to ashes. erasing my memories from existence. i fell into a trance with the flickering of the flame. the fire has such a strong power on the wood or whatever it is burning. it consumes it not allowing a little bit escape. it is like what i have allowed happen to my past. it has consumed my present thoughts, my present life and actions. but as i watched it burn the wood to ashes, i remembered that not every flame is eternal. every fire has to die down eventually. and this is the time my past flame has to die down. it has now died and allowed me to put new wood on and start a new fire, and new flame to burn.

as i was sitting outside, i watched the sun set, and the moon rise. i think its a full moon, or it was yesterday so its still pretty full. i look at it longing to be there and not here. it says good night to me as i head to bed. it is a gift from God. a little bit of his beauty that appears at night, every night, not missing a night.