'tis the season

this may very well be one of the last posts of 2010. soon it will be new year and 2011. and I will have to write 2011 on everything. how confusing. i just got used to writing 2010 on everything.

i was talking to someone the other day and was talking about how last year i wanted to do this....but realized that last year i wasn't allowed to. i couldn't. and now within a year, 365 days i was able to do it.

i look forward to the new things i will be able to do in another 365 days. all the adventures i will partake in, all the people i will meet, all the new things i will learn.

my new song (for now) that i love listening to, Firework by Katy Perry. I always can't help but sing along when the song comes on the radio. It reminds me to be different, to show everyone that i can do it.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

Drifting throught the wind

Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

Like a house of cards

One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep

Six feet under scream

But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that tehre's still a chance for you

Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework

Come on let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed

So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework

Come on slet your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework

Come on slet your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

so 2011, here i come. im going to make my appearance one that will not be forgotten

2010 memories

these are things i remember most about 2010

1: spending the weekend of a long tournament just sitting and talking with you

2: going to the beach

3: the Easter earthquake

4: getting accepted into CP

5: winter camp

6: ice skating

7: spending hours in the hospital

8: Fuddruckers

9: long beach and bringing back all your crap :P

10: palm desert

11: grad night

12: watching friends graduate

13: graduating

14: lake arrowhead

15: disneyland trips

16: julian trip

17: BJs dinner

18: your birthday party at the beach

19: spending the night at sisters apartment

20: thanksgiving break

21: surprising you

22: cuddling with you on your bed and eating chips and no salsa

23: wedding shows/planning

24: 18th birthday party

25: spending christmas with you

Christmas time

I feel like a bad person for not writing in my blog last thursday. I had a routine going, and then of course I got busy and I didn't have time. oh well. not a big deal.

i decided to not work for the week. because i didn't feel comfortable with the person i was staying with. though i should have sucked it up and stayed. and worked. and gotten that money. i might regret it later....but i don't know.

i feel like i don't want to grow up anymore. so many things i have to remember. and i feel like i don't have time. so many deadlines so many papers i have to fill out. and no one really to lean on for help.

im definitely looking forward to Christmas this year. I am looking forward to sending time with people i love. and i am actually looking forward to going back. to being back in a routine. though i wish i could take my bed with me. hahaha.

we got a christmas tree. its fake so it will keep longer and can be reused in later years.

i feel like a wreck because i don't have a permanent address for anything. and i feel like i want to just change around everything. i want to be able to live off campus next year and make it a permanent home for me. but of course even if i was to live off campus, it wouldn't be permanent for me. i would possibly change houses. and i feel like i can't use other peoples addresses because its not where i am at most. so i was summoned for court, and i had to reply back that i wasn't there....but they asked for my new address, but its like i don't have that as my permanent address either. so its hard and confusing. and then taxes are needing to be figured out also. sigh. and how i want to work around the money issue. i wish someone would be here and help me out with all these choices, or have someone else that has similar situation as i do, so i can work like they did....but of course not. i have to be different.

im so tired of living my life differently then other people.

im ready for it to be constant. for some stability.

finally done

it feels like it took forever. but i did it...finally done with my first quarter of college. :D

i found out that i for sure have one B, and possibly two others out of my 4 classes. grades wont be posted till next week and i can only hope for the best.

i can't believe im done with one quarter....only like 14 more to go....

now im going to embark on a new adventure and spend a week at a friends house and work for a week, then go home!!!!! i can't wait to go home. i can't wait till i can sleep in my own bed.

ahhh i miss friends and family.

im definitely thankful to be done.

one

one picture is all it took to bring me back to that day.

one glance at something from the past is all it took.

one millisecond is all it took

to have memories flood me. overwhelm my mind with thoughts from you. from laughter, to horror moments, to heart ache.....

you promised to never leave, to never turn into someone else....well you kept half that promise. you never left. but you changed into someone else. you changed into someone that showed me that love doesn't exist. you proved to me that love is not always true. you pushed me to my breaking point. you pushed me to the point of leaving. i walked away. and into someone else's arms. you hated me for it. but i hated you more for proving to me the very thing you swore wouldn't happen. ruining the thoughts i had about you, about love, about relationships.

all it took was one picture of us that didn't get deleted, to take me back to that very moment i walked away from you. the very moment i thought life had stopped and i wasn't going to be able to get up.

but then it was you who pushed me away to become someone better.

to prove to you that i didn't need you.

that i wasn't hurt by everything you said.

that my heart wasn't broken to pieces after you swore you would fix it.

to prove to you that i wasn't going to let you dictate my life.

because of you, i must now regain my strength.

i must pick myself up off the floor.

i must show the world you didn't break me.

because of you i question everything.

i no longer have the naive outlook on things.

because of you im tainted with hate and bitterness that all others to follow you must break away before seeing who i am.

all because of that one picture

one week left

i have finals next week. and im stressing out like crazy. i need to remind myself to take breaks and not become overwhelmed. thankfully my family is coming near me, and i can see them saturday night. YAY.

i need to push myself just a bit longer, this is when it all counts. it all comes down to the last week....the final tests. i have worked so hard to get to this point, and im here. and if i mess up, i can't fix it. i plan on sleeping a lot, but also studying like no ones business. i know my stuff, and i just need to remember it.

oh yeah then work on top of this....hahah oh how i love my life sometimes.