new outlook

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did

or

The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

I spent the day yesterday laying on the beach. its the one place i run away to, to escape from everything here. i was so frustrated and overwhelmed that i needed to run away. i have not been able to face anything head on, but i always seem to run away. but when i do come back, i have a new outlook on things, i am refreshed, and reminded of everything.

I stood on the waters edge alone, staring at the ocean rolling in and out. the waves continually crashing on the sand. i was reminded of my own words a few months ago, "But all it takes is just one wave of trouble and my life crumbles under the pressure. The pressure of trouble and stress pounding against me. "

I have been allowing the stress and the pressure of life crash against me, wearing me down.

but as i stood there staring at the waves pounding against the sand, a song was brought to my head...

Lead me to the cross

Where Your love poured out

Bring me to my knees

Lord I lay me down

Rid me of myself

I belong to You

Lead me, lead me to the cross

And that has become my prayer...to be rid of myself, and to lay everything at the cross. because He is in control. I am not perfect, no one is. but i want to strive for a better me. I know i will fail, and i am ok with that. I am not going to get down on myself for my mistakes, for my mistakes are lessons learned.

i have figured out all the ways to NOT do a relationship.

I have seen the ways to NOT run a family.

I have seen the ways how to NOT treat people.

I have seen the ways to NOT handle money.

I have learned how to NOT stay pure in mind.

I have learned how to NOT follow God...

so everything else I am going to do will be the opposite of those things. I am going to turn my car to left or the right (whichever way is safe) and not make a u turn...because a u turn would only make me see what im leaving behind. i hit that stop sign in my life, and now i want to move myself forward.

maybe love does exist...from God anyways.