during the night

i hate the nightmares.

i hate not being able to sleep during the night without taking something. without having some form of drug whether medicine or getting a massage, or something to that effect. something that will help me sleep. last night i was wide awake until almost midnight, well i didn't get home till almost 11. but then i woke up at 2 then again at 5 then one final time at 615. and during those hours of sleep all my dreams could be were those of nightmares. of the repeating of the one single act that changed my life. i want this to be gone. im tired of being reminded that i made a mistake, that i screwed my future with any other boy to come.

ahhhhhhh im just done!

i look out my window at the tree that has stood there and changed with the season, dropping leaves, growing new blooms, being bare, etc. currently it has its spring outfit of blooms on it. they are quite annoying when they drop cause they stick to the cars and stuff. but on the tree they are so pretty. the tree has new growth and new blooms, maybe this is the season for my new growth. i have been changing slowly but surely,

but not without falling along the way.