today

i cleared the flowers from my valance. it looks empty now.

i cut the flowers from the stem and placed the petals inside a shoe box, and put the box up in my closet to be revisited when the time is right. i took the pictures, the letters, the drawings, the little reminders of who we used to be, and placed them in a different box then all the rest. he deserves something different because he changed my life.

the saying goes,

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart"--Eleanor Roosevelt

he definitely left a footprint on my heart. I have been changed for the better since i met him.

i just regret that i am such a fickle person and can't seem to be happy with whoever i am with.

i know i said some things that now, i can't live up to. but i meant every single word i said. i don't ever regret saying anything.

our relationship was so tainted by physical aspects, that we forgot what it was like to be friends.

the growing relationship i have with a good friend, is not tainted.

at least not yet.....

i always seem to taint things with stuff from my past.

maybe he was meant to come into my life show me things and leave as my boyfriend and stay as my friend to be there and support me through everything. but not be there romantically involved with me.

i do love him. very much so.

but maybe not in the way i thought i did...