confusion

i wish i could place all the thoughts from my head into words, words that make sense. but instead its all jumbled up inside of me pushing to be released.

i am so bitter that people are making up rumors and causing problems for my best friend. i was so glad that she was found but i am annoyed that everyone wont let it go for now until the families are ready to release information. if they want to cause drama, go back to high school. seriously

i am in this rut that im confused. i want to be with him. i love him to death and have fallen so head over heels for him. but there are a few things that bother me. the fact that he spoils me. dont get me wrong i love being spoiled here and there, but when we are both older and looking for a house or college, the spoiling needs to be limited. i would rather spend money on things i need and have to have. i spoil myself here and there but thats not very often. i want someone that can save money and plan for the future. another thing im learning is to deal with the child like behavior ADD brings and the counteractions of the medication here and there. i am learning to deal with it and allow him to be himself. i don't want to be the girl that keeps him caged and controlls him. i like being spoiled and i love being with him. but am i able to stay with him through everything. i want to be with him because he makes me feel good, and he listens to me, and wants to be with me. he is willing to be committed to me and stay with me. for now. and im scared out of my mind that he is going to leave. i am trying to trust him and allow him to be my rock (next to God of course) and yet there is still a thing in the back of my head that says to be careful, to love cautiously. if i find out down the line that he isn't the one i want to spend forever with, i will be too attached and won't want to allow myself to separate from him. i will put myself through torture and stay with him even though i found out he isn't all that great. but at this moment i feel like he is the right one. to be dating and i wouldn't mind marrying him but if my best girl friend thinks differently, i would listen to her. i don't know what im going to do. i know that this hasn't been a bother to me long enough to be something i would actually follow up on. and i think that its just something that i worry about that isn't really something that should be a bother.

i am overthinking things.