who says

we can't be strong, and independent, and have freedom?

who are the people controlling our every move?

or should I say WHAT is controlling our every move?

what is stopping us from that freedom in Christ? What is hindering us from dancing like little kids during worship? What is stopping us from lifting our hands and singing like we just don't care?

our pride

who says we have to have a wall around us? who says we can't be blunt and honest with everyone around us? what is stopping us from telling the people off that make us mad?

our pride

our pride seems to be the cause of all our problems now. we are too prideful to allow ourselves to look foolish. to have that wall broken down. we should become humble and accept the fact that we are all people. we are humans and we make mistakes. who cares? we should no longer judge others.

but it seems i am the worst possible person to be saying this. i am the one who sits in the back of the church looking at all the adults raising their hands and think "why can't i allow myself to do that and not be ashamed?" i am the person who looks at others and what they do and am so judging of their actions. i think "i am not as bad as them." or "they look weird they must have problems"

i remembered tonight while singing the little kids at the VBS i went to while in Washington. the little kids danced around and sang their little hearts out to the Lord and didn't care what the other kids thought. they tried doing the motions but sadly failed. but they tried. now all we are doing in church is standing when told, sitting when told, and maybe a few of us lift our hands when we feel led. but there are no more silly motions to go along with the songs when we grow up.

i also remembered the church i love visiting when im at my grandparents house. most of the people in the church are over the age of 50. their kids have kids. they have been through everything among them all, and they all know what they want from life. they have their life figured out, and are now just waiting to go home with the Lord. they sing and praise the Lord even though half of them are tone deaf, and can't sing a note to save their lives. but they want to make sure they praise Jesus for everything He has done in their lives over the last few decades. all the trials He has brought them through.

I want the freedom to sing and dance like a little child, and yet be praising God for everything He has walked me through. He has been by my side through everything, even though I don't always feel like He has been. I love the poem "Footprints" because it reminds me that God sometimes carries me, when I look back and see only one set of footprints.