the truth...you want the full truth?

and nothing but the truth...

the truth hurts. it tears apart people held together by lies. but the truth is a light, a beacon of light in the darkness of lies and deceit.

today i was able to confront the truth. something i have been hiding behind for two months almost. i had been lieing to myself and to a friend. a close friend might i add. someone i love dearly and don't want to hurt ever in my life, i shattered today their heart. their heart was whole before i stepped into their life. and because of my messed up stupid lies their heart is shattered, broken now. and whats left? i have no clue. i am left to fix it, so i am told. i was instructed that i broke, now i have to fix it. too bad it doesn't follow the rule "break it you buy it" because paying for it would be easier then trying to fix it. i regret the day i even began this because i wasn't honest. i tried to be i really did in the beginning but as things progressed, the lie became bigger and more powerful and it meant more to keep it alive then to keep the relationship on an honest playing field.

i felt so sick to my stomach today, throwing up once. i made the one person that made me smile, cry. i have never made a person cry, unless it was some bitch that deserved it. but they, they didn't deserve it. now im paying the price of having to mend that bridge, and make them trust me again.

there is a quote...by sir walter scott

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive"

now i must sit in my web, and figure out how to unstick myself. i got in over my head with lieing to them. i wanted them happy so in turn i made myself lie only to in turn make them miserable. what a horrible mess i am in now...