there are too many words that i want to write. i want to write my story of who i am. i want to tell you about why im like this. but at the same time i want to write words of frustration. hurt. anger. i want to explain to you that i am not happy anymore.
how did we become like this? become so worried about not seeing each other?
become so involved in making sure the other person was happy? when did we all lose sight of ourselves and our own dreams? is it really our own dream to make someone else happy?
but then how can we become so self absorbed that we no longer worry about other people. and we end up ruining the bridges. we ruin the friendships we created. we ruin the relationships with people.
i have pretty much ruined everything. without actually admitting to it just yet. i have pretty much become so worried about my selfish reasons that i never thought twice about the people involved. i never thought about the effect on those people.
i was told today that i have my life put together....ha! if they only knew the times i struggle. the times i wallow in self pity. the times i sit here drowning myself in tears because i have screwed everything over.
i wrote once, about the tangled web we weave....well i know that im the one who is weaving this web. i am the one destroying the friendships, the relationships, the sanity in my life.
yet all i seem to do is sit here in my puddle of tears
alone
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