week two done

i am done with the second week of classes now. i survived my first week of work and school together. my body feels like it is going to just quit on me and not function any more. i have barely anytime to eat or do anything. (not literally) and i am going constantly from work to school to homework. and on the weekend i am doing homework and trying to find some time to relax. i took time last weekend to relax and go to the beach for a bonfire. last night i was able to go on a midnight hike to the nearby hill. it was crazy steep and crazy dark. but it was super fun. i never really do anything like that. i never do anything adventurous or dangerous. and this was the first time i have really tried something new.

i realized that i really don't have the money or the ability to go home next weekend. even though im beyond homesick. i miss my dad more then anything right now. and i really want to be able to see him. and of course joey doesn't understand what that feels like. and can't even relate a little bit. it drives me up a wall when i try to explain things to him and he just doesn't get it.

i was told i have to write a paper about how i got to where i am as a writer....and you can tell that im working super hard on that right now. but i don't really know how i got to where i am as a writer. i wrote things in a blog, in a diary for many years. it is a form of something for me to express my feelings. i don't like writing papers to a certain form. i really hate writing papers about writing even more. im going to tell him that too. i have had great teachers. and loved most of them. but as a writer, i am not very good. i haven't really been able to write papers. and i can't wait for the day when i no longer have to write papers for a teacher. how am i supposed to come up with a catchy first sentence when i don't give a crap about writing? how am i supposed to write about my past as a writer when i really don't have one? well i guess i will just have to come up with something. something that will fill 4 pages. i could talk about writing as being an outlet for me. a way to express my feelings when im angry or upset. or some other strong emotion. or i could write about how writing has been a constant struggle for me since day one. or how ASL 4 will forever influence how i think about words in general.

oh the days of high school how i miss you. the days where i thought things were never going to get better for home, but yet school seemed to be my way of escaping that. now that home is almost non existent, i have nothing to run away from. how am i supposed to focus on this when i don't want to run from reality anymore?

week three begins tomorrow. what will that bring to me? only God knows.