hosea

there has been so much that has happened in a few days. my life has forever altered by the events. and it feels like weeks ago that it happened.

i thought for sure it was the end of a friendship. that we would never again speak or see each other. but as fate would have it, we saw each other the very next day. and feelings came rushing back. thoughts of past were brought up to present. we talked about what would happen if we were to forgo everything we knew was true, and decided to be selfish and take what we wanted. we tempted fate and pushed buttons just a little too much. i then was faced with the task of sharing the events with the boyfriend. i was given a response that only hosea would reply with....."ok, lets move forward" and that was it. the subject wasn't talked about again for the remainder of the evening. we did however talk about the next day. when we were in person again. i wanted to know his thoughts on it, and why he didn't freak out. i was expecting some yelling, some hurtful words but all i received was love and affection and a kiss. he told me that he wanted me to be happy. which i was. the kiss meant nothing to me, and felt nothing like a kiss should feel between two people. i realized that it made me happier with boyfriend, and that i wouldn't want to leave for someone else of the past. though my head longed to be with the person of the past, my heart longed to be with someone else.

i was asked why i went to the idea of running out a relationship, of why i had kissed someone else. i realized that no one has ever really stayed around in my life to work through the problems. every one has ran away. its comfortable for me. i don't want to confront the problems....or work through them. i want to be detached from everyone and everything. i want to go from one thing to the next. because thats what i know. thats what is comfortable to me. "hosea" told me that he wasn't going anywhere. that he wanted to be with me. and stay with me. and if i needed to kiss someone else because i needed final closure with him, then he was going to ignore it.

i am reading a book called redeeming love, its the fictional story of hosea. a man who follows what God calls him to do, and marry a prostitute. he has to buy her back twice, after she leaves and returns to what she finds comfortable. there is a hosea in my life. one who has brought me the sunshine. there is one part of the book where michael (hosea) has his wife Mara (the prostitute) and they are walking through the dark forest and he is dragging her along. she is all pouty and doesn't want to be there. finally they reach an empty hill, nothing around. its dark. and she sits down. he tells her to wait for the sunrise....she doesn't want to but does anyways because she doesn't know her way home. finally the sun rises and he wraps his arms around her and says that he wants to show her the light. and take away that darkness.

i feel like i am mara, being taken from such a horrible life by such a Godly man. someone who will buy me back if he has to, fight for me if he has to, and love me as long as he can.

so now we move forward. away from this weekend...away from my past and run together as far away as we can.

im so thankful God has placed a Hosea in my life.