do you ever have those days where you just can't shake that bug off you? and you spend the whole day just being lazy because your body just feels miserable, but you know you haven't done anything unusual.
that was my day. i spent the weekend with my dad, and then i woke up this morning just feeling plain miserable, i didn't want to move, breathe, do anything but just lay there and watch mindless tv.
something else has been weighing on me, and maybe today it just finally caught up to me. i know i can't do anything, i can't change anything, i can't improve the situation in any shape or form. but i still think about it, i still sit there and tear up just thinking about the possibility.
i think about the things that will be missed, the things in the future that may or may not happen that won't be shared...instead of looking back at all those memories we did share. we make so many memories and so many things happened with you, that i shouldn't be sad about the things you won't do in the future, but instead think about the things we did do in the past.
how do i explain the importance of something to me, when i don't want to be judged or pitied. i don't want to hear that "oh that makes sense" but in that sad tone that is straight up pity. but i want to be able to share the reason it is important to me with people. maybe they will understand a little more about me, and why i do such things.
words hurt. no matter if they were told 5 minutes ago, or 5 years ago. those words still ring in my ear, they still dig into my heart and twist the knife harder. i heard something said to me, that i have heard before. nothing new...but it still hurt like the first time. it still stung me even though i pretend it doesn't. but when i go home, i sit on my bed and i ponder those words....are they really true? am i really like that? people tell me that it was just that person's opinion, but how many times do you have to hear that opinion for it to be right?
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