i need to write the words in my mind on paper

or on my computer will work...

i can't help but think about the moment i was told. that he was in the hospital. my mind raced million miles a minute. i could only think of the worst things. and then i realized that through all this, we will be brought closer as friends. maybe not as a couple, but as friends our bond is stronger.

joey collapsed, and was in the hospital for tuesday night till this morning. i spent several hours in the hospital with him. i was there as he woke up from his surgery, i was there as he went home. as he laid on the bed after surgery my heart broke thinking that i almost lost him forever. only two days before that i was thinking selfishly if he was going to be ok for prom...then i realized that i shouldn't be thinking that far ahead because i need to make sure every moment i spend with him is spent good and not bad. i was reminded of the times after losing my mom, how much everyone missed her. i couldn't imagine going through that now. my best friend would be gone. the one person i would turn to for comfort was the reason i needed comfort. but im thankful that God was watching over him because if God wasn't there, then he would be dead.

because he wasn't allowed to shower, he smelled pretty bad by this morning. yet all i wanted to do was hug him and lay near him. i could care less what he smelled like.

he pulled me into one of the most passionate deepest kisses i have ever experienced. it was one of those movie moments. i couldn't have planned a better kiss from him.

i don't know what im going to do next year without him. i know i can always call him up and tell him whatever i want, or send him random emails no matter if we stay together or not. but he has been one of my bestest friends. (next to my girl) and next year i hope things work out to where we still talk on a regular bases.

we are just going day by day now. we don't know how much time we have together (as friends, family, in a relationship etc) and we need to spend the time we are together doing something fun, and not fighting or hating others.

im going to make it a new goal in life to make amends and not spend my time wasting it on stupid stuff.