broken

have you ever felt like your life has hit rock bottom?

or that nothing could go worse, then something does and you find yourself in pieces, broken on the floor.

this is the third time i have found myself broken to pieces beyond repair so it seems. how can i be so happy yet, can't seem to stop crying?

im happy to know i no longer hear the yelling, fear the outrages, and deal with the slamming every time something goes wrong.

but yet as i stare at the shell of my father i can't help but weep for him. it scares me to not know the future and what it may bring. it may bring new adventures, and excitements, or it may bring more sorrow and heartache.

im scared to think that i may have to leave my home because we can no longer afford it. im scared that we won't make it, and i will be barely hanging on. i have sacrificed a lot, and i am just asking for one year, just one to have nothing go wrong in it. but it seems that is not possible and i must continue to stay strong on the outside, and continue to sacrifice my life, my time and now my money for college, just to stay afloat. to stay above the raging sea.

i sit behind closed doors waiting for the storm to be over.

staring behind the mask hoping no one will see me.

i just want to be whole. no longer broken.

dear Lord, make me whole.